In 2011, Alex Randolph was in Iraq, in the middle of a tour of duty with the Army. What happened one evening would haunt him for years, and change the way his friends back home saw him. Those memories eventually led Randolph to think about killing himself.
As Randolph and his team slowly drove down dusty streets in a tank-like military vehicle, a few kids emerged from a house holding guns.
The soldiers cautiously watched the kids, who ranged in age from about 8 to 12.
And then, one child started shooting.
鈥淲e ended up taking the lives of some kids,鈥 recalls Randolph, a Louisville resident. 鈥淲e had to 鈥 it was either our life or their life. When you have an 8-, 10-, 11-, 12-year-old child pointing an AK, pointing a weapon at you, and you鈥檙e looking straight at it, you have a split-second reaction.鈥
Intellectually, he knows why he did it.
鈥淎m I going to give them a chance to shoot me and take my life? Or shoot one of my brothers or sisters and take their lives? Or am I going to take that shot and take them out?鈥 Randolph said.
But emotionally, he questioned that decision for years. And when he went home with a medical discharge, he felt like a casualty of war. His friends back home called him a monster, he said. And for years he struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder from living through that night and from seeing fellow soldiers die.
Randolph's thoughts led him into a downward spiral, and he felt suicide was the only answer.
That experience is not uncommon for veterans. to kill themselves than people who鈥檝e never served. Andveterans nationwide die by suicide every day.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 think veteran suicide is a new phenomena,鈥 says Sherman Gillums, chief advocacy officer for the veterans advocacy group AMVETS. 鈥淚 do think what鈥檚 changed is our awareness because information is more free-flowing, and the experiences of service members and veterans is more visible.鈥
Raising Awareness
That awareness worked in Randolph鈥檚 favor. He knew he had to get help. So, one day in 2017, he posted an SOS on the Iraq War Veteran Jeremy Harrell, the social club's executive director, created the group to rebuild the connection that's lost when service members leave the military.
鈥淛eremy is the reason why I鈥檓 still here,鈥 Randolph says. 鈥淏ecause at that point, I was ready to just end everything.鈥
In the few years since Harrell started getting a small group of vets together, the group has grown to some 2,000 members across Kentucky. And in that time Harrell has fielded many calls from suicidal vets and their family members. Harrell said he draws from his own experiences with suicidal thoughts, and training he鈥檚 received on suicide prevention.鈥淚鈥檝e had conversations, sometimes four or five hours, in an effort to try to get them ready to go get some help, and I hate to use the phrase, 'talk them off the ledge,' but to do that,鈥 Harrell said.
Harrell also helps connect the vets to counseling at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. That鈥檚 a solution Randolph had sought when he was struggling back in 2017. But he says he was told there was a six- to- eight-week wait.
That response felt like a slap in the face.
鈥淭hen what the hell are y鈥檃ll even here for? Why should I bother trying to go through y鈥檃ll to get help? I鈥檝e waited long enough,鈥 Randolph says. 鈥淣ow you鈥檙e telling me I鈥檝e got to two, three, four, six weeks to get the help I鈥檓 asking for? You know, I may not be here.鈥
Harrell, though, has connections with the Robley Rex VA Medical Center in Louisville. Harrell got Randolph in to see a counselor the very next day.
Robley Rex officials say there have been changes since Randolph was told he鈥檇 have to wait for an appointment. Louisville VA Suicide Prevention Coordinator Kelly Marcum says it now offers same-day mental health appointments.
鈥淚f you need to go in on that day to see someone, but it鈥檚 not an emergency issue, you just need to talk to somebody because you have some kind of issue, [and] you鈥檙e not feeling an immediate danger to harm yourself or others, you can get at least an assessment with some mental health clinic staff,鈥 Marcum said.
Marcum also says the hospital is working on other projects to prevent veteran suicide.
Since July, the Louisville VA has distributed more than 2,000 gun locks to vets. Marcum says even a few minutes to unlock a gun could save a life 鈥 there鈥檚 usually only a five-minute window when a person is actively attempting suicide. In, three-fourths of suicides by veterans were carried out using a firearm, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs.
There are also efforts to better educate families of veterans. Gillums says AMVETS is trying to teach families about signs that indicate a veteran is struggling and might be considering suicide. AMVETS recently started offering a suicide prevention online curriculum geared to families.
鈥淚t鈥檚 the families, the people that are the first-line witness to what鈥檚 happening that don鈥檛 know what they鈥檙e seeing,鈥 Gillum says. 鈥淭he veteran is reacting to a lack of support and a lack of understanding of what鈥檚 happening.鈥
And the Veteran鈥檚 Club Facebook page is full of people who are willing to help. On a recent evening, 15 people offered to pick up a vet who said he was having suicidal thoughts and was drinking heavily at a bar. Randolph was one of those people.
鈥淲hen I start seeing fellow brothers and sisters comment and post if they need help 鈥 somebody reached out to me and gave me a hand and led me,鈥 Randolph said. 鈥淣ow it鈥檚 my turn to pay it forward and reach out.鈥
Veterans who are in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, and those who know a veteran in crisis, can call the Veterans Crisis Line at 800-273-8255, or text to 838255.
This story was produced by, a news collaborative covering public health.
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